he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
