One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
