my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
as a side note pls kill me
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
