this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
