I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
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