Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
