if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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