you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I want her autograph on my taint
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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