If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
