I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
You were trust falling into bushes
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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