I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
