I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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