if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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