i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
