So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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