mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
