I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
