i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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