I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
