Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
