I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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