dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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