If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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