You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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