He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
