please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
