All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
