The maid of honor just puked.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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