I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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