Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Randomize
