It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Randomize
