My room smells like vodka and shame
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
