White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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