remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
