It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
