If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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