I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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