If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
