Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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