I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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