I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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