i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
