I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
