I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
