Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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