so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Still dying that you shit outside
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
