of course. lets lasso hookers.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Vodka?
Forever.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
