i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
