I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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