I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
