my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
