You really coming over, don't trick.
She is in my trunk
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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