i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
