I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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